Top Six Bedroom Sins
becomes a little humdrum, out comes the
mental catalogue of all the ways your
partner isn’t quite measuring up. Guys tend
to get a bad rap when it comes to
understanding women’s bodies and what
turns them on, making them easy targets in
the blame game when sèxual satisfaction
starts to wane. And sure, they make their
fair share of bedroom errors. But as the
saying goes, it takes two to tango. As it
turns out, top sèx and relationship experts
say that women make plenty of sèx
mistakes of their own.
Sèx Mistake #1: Not initiating sèx with your
partner
Many women worry about ladylike behavior. They
don’t want to appear pushy or come on too strong
for fear of being labeled aggressive. According to
sèxperts, failing to initiate sèx is one of the biggest
mistakes women make.
Most guys feel like they are always the initiator
and that sets up disequilibrium on the passion
scale in the relationship. Generally, men want to be
pursued by their partners just as much as women
do.
Holding onto outdated ideas about sèx roles also
inhibits satisfaction with our sèxual relationships.
One of such outdated ideas is that women are less
interested in sèxual activity. In actual fact, there
are women who are as interested in sèx as men.
Indeed, some women are more interested in sèx
than men.
Show your interest by taking the first step from
time to time. Your partner will likely appreciate it,
and you may find a new level of satisfaction in
taking responsibility for your sèxual experience.
Sèx Mistake #2: Worrying about what you
look like
Thinking about how you look during sèx stops you
from enjoying yourself and ruins your chances of
achieving an orgasm.
Don’t think about the fat on your belly or the
makeup on your face. Concentrate on the pleasure
of the act. You must give yourself permission to
have an orgasm.
Men want their wives to abandon themselves in
sèx play, and that’s not likely if a woman is anxious
about her physical concerns. The truth of the
matter, actually, is that men don’t notice half the
things women obsess about!
It’s amazing what men don’t notice if you’re
enthusiastic, energetic, interested in them, and
flexible minded.
According to sèxperts, there is an evolutionary
explanation for the selective blindness men show to
women’s physical flaws. For Darwinian reasons,
men are (unconsciously, of course) looking for
women who are able to bear healthy babies.
Starting millions of years ago, men who attracted
fertile women and had a lot of children lived on.
Those who could not died out. Although maybe
not as necessary today, primal survival mechanism
lives on.
Men are much more attracted to women who
show signs of health and youth and fertility.
Rather than worry about the shape of your waist
and hips, worry about your energy level and
enthusiasm and interest in him.
Sèx Mistake #3: Assuming sèx is casual for
men
Sèxperts believe we should all let go of
oldfashioned notions, such as women are not
sèxual or that sèx is just sèx to men. For some men,
sèx is a very important act.
Research supports the idea that both men and
women find sèxual intimacy in the context of a
committed relationship to be more satisfying.
Numerous research studies make it very clear that
the people who have the best quality and most
frequent sèx are married couples. That says a lot
about the inadequacies of ‘casual sèx.’
In a study of university students engaging in one-
night stands, the numbers show that men are just
as serious about sèx and relationships as women.
In fact, more than 50% of women and 52% of men
who went into a one-night stand, according to the
researchers, reported that they did so hoping to
create a longer relationship. Onethird of them
actually did so. What’s the lesson? Never assume
that a man is not romantic. According to sèxperts,
“Two huge mistakes that are commonly made are
that women are not sèxual and that men are not as
romantic [as women].”
Sèx Mistake #4: Believing he’s always up
for sèx
Sure, most teenage boys are ready and willing to
have sèx just about any time you ask, but that’s not
true for men. The pressures of everyday life —
family, work, bills — can zap a man’s libido. This
comes as a big surprise to many women, and often,
men’s lack of interest in sèx is something women
take personally.
“It comes as such a shock [to women] that they
just don’t believe it,” a sèxpert says about the
reaction many women have when their partner
says they aren’t in the mood for sèx. “They know
themselves that they are not always interested in
sèx but they still love the man. But when they
discover he doesn’t want to have sèx, they think,
‘he doesn’t love me.’ Ladies, that’s not true. He just
doesn’t want to have sèx.”
Sèx Mistake #5: Not giving him guidance
Talking very directly about sèx, what we like and
don’t like can make us feel uncomfortable, even
with a partner we’ve been with for a long time and
otherwise feel close to. But it’s the only way to
achieve a satisfying sèxual relationship.
A woman must take responsibility for her sèxual
encounter. No man can bring a woman to orgasm
if she doesn’t take responsibility for her sèxual
experience. Even the best lover can’t know what a
woman needs if she does not let him know.
The good news is that men very much want to
please women. If women can tell them in a way
that doesn’t kill their ego, they will appreciate it.
Sèxperts advise women to sandwich what they
don’t like in between five things they do, because
he’s listening. “You may not find out until the next
time you’re in bed with him. But men do listen,
particularly if you’re quite clear about it.”
Sèx Mistake #6: Getting upset when he
suggests something new
After a couple has been together for a while, it’s
natural to want to spice things up with a little
variety. Just because your man wants to try
something new doesn’t mean he’s unhappy with
you or your sèx life. In short: Don’t take it
personally.
Still, it’s important that you tune into your comfort
zone. Nobody should ever feel pressured to do
something they don’t want to do in the personal
and intimate area of sèxuality. According to a
sèxpert, “If your man asks you about trying
something that’s outside of your morals, make it
clear that it’s off limits for you and explain why. Of
course, do this in a loving way as best you can. If it
is something that is not really a moral issue for you
but you still don’t want to, again explain why. If it
is simply a startling request and you’re initially
uneasy about it, try not to overreact. Instead, let
him know you need some time to think about it.”
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